Tuesday, August 9, 2011


My emotions are out of control today. I had a complete meltdown this morning, and I don't even know why. I don't think I slept very well, and I woke up with my mind in a fog -- I couldn't think, or see straight, or control my behaviour. I just didn't feel like myself. And then, everything erupted. My bf is angry, unhappy, and stressed to no end. And its because of me. I literally want to crawl out of my skin, and will claw my way out if I have to.

My relationship is suffering greatly because of my apparent inability to regulate my emotions, and I'm so scared of what will end up happening to us because of all this. I know that by worrying (aka panicking) about what may or may not eventually happen, I'm only making things worse, but I don't know how to stop. I'm stuck.

I'm in the process of learning about distress tolerance in the DBT group I'm in, but nothing was able to help me this morning. And now, I am overcome by embarrassment, guilt, and shame for putting my bf through another episode. I don't know what to do next. I feel as though nothing I try is helping. And its scaring me to death.


  1. Im sorry dear, I could say something that would help :(

  2. Hi,

    I found your blog through this link:

    My name is Alyssa and I posted on your birth control blog as well. I've read your entries and your experiences post-pill really coincide with mine. I was on birth control for three years total and suffered from severe depression (suicidal thoughts included) and anxiety (severe panic attacks). You can read my story here: http://cutthefacebook.wordpress.com/

    I've been off of the pill for a little over 4 months now and I'm still experiencing mood swings, although they've gotten a bit better. It's affected my relationship so much as well. I worry about everything now and I'm slowly gaining my confidence back.

    Don't be ashamed about what you're going through - you are not alone. There are thousands of women who've been going through this same thing, myself included. Please see this forum:

    Please reach out if you want to talk!

  3. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I hope you feel better soon. I know how you feel. My depression is also affecting my marriage. Simon