I wrote on my old blog (here) about a study I was trying to get into that provided Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) for people with BPD. Two days ago, I had my second interview...which lasted no less than 5 hours. Ouch. I was emotionally wiped by the end of that meeting, but am happy to report that I qualified, meaning I might finally be able to get some treatment!
Here's the catch: the study follows 2 groups of people, and you have absolutely no say as to which group you get put into. One of the groups will immediately start participating in a 20-week DBT skills training program (fingers and toes crossed I get into this one). The other group gets nothing, other than the added joy of completing random questionnaires during the course of the study...and guaranteed entry into the 20-week DBT skills training program IN 8 MONTHS, at which point the study is over but they give you the treatment anyways for being such a good sport. Given that my life seems to have fallen spectacularly to pieces over the past 6 months, just the thought of waiting another 8 months is a tough pill to swallow. I suppose this is one of those situations that falls into the "I can't do anything about it so why worry" category, so really I shouldn't worry. Easier said than done. Here's the thing: I want so badly to get better, to have a "normal" life, and to stop feeling like a burden to everyone, but I also feel like I don't know how to do that and for some reason no one will help me. Anyways...there's nothing I can do until I know what group I get put into...which should be in the next few weeks.
I'm reminded of a quote from the Dalai Lama, which goes something like "If there is a solution to the problem, then there is no need to worry. And if there is no solution, then there is also no need to worry." That easy, huh? I would love to be one of those enlightened people who seem to have so much peace and joy in their lives. Of course I have no idea how to get there, even though I have bought all these books on Buddhism and awakening your inner Buddha...come to think of it, I really should read them again...
Meanwhile, I'm also working on a project this counselor gave me to do, to help me weed out the negative people in my life (including those people that I allowed to chase me away from my old blog). I think its actually a great exercise, and maybe it could help others too...here's how it goes:
Draw a circle, and divide it into 3 parts. You are in the center. One third represents family, the second friends, and the third systems (such as counselors, colleagues, and anyone not falling into sections one and two). Then within each group, list EVERY person you know, and then decide whether that person is a positive or negative force in your life. I'm sure you can guess what happens next...keep talking to the positive people, which are people you can truly be authentic with, and segregate the negative so that you have minimal dealings with them, and any dealings you have to have can be prepared for in advance. I've only just started working on this, but hope that it will help me stay focused on keeping in touch with the right people...and avoiding the others, when possible.